Danger, Will Robinson! Danger!

Holy cow! I didn't know until I tried to sign in just now, but apparently my site was down for a couple of days due to a Security Breech. Google totally freaked out and texted me an access code and made me change my password so I can better fight off the internet ninjas next time. Luckily, it doesn't seem as if anything has been disturbed here.

I do have an update I want to make (one with DRAWINGS!), but I felt this warranted its own post first, largely because it's so unprecedented. I mean, I realize thousands of people have online security issues everyday, but I never have and google is typically so solid about these things. Ah, well. So it goes. Look forward to a post by the end of the week!

Love,
ktb

...for real guys, it's me.

I have a confession to make...

But it's only part-time! I swear!

So, I might have recently began barista training at Starbucks. At a Starbucks inside a Target. Double corporate sellout? It feels like it sometimes.

I mostly did it because in my real job I don't always get to see people and I miss the human contact. I also wanted to pay off as much of my student loans as I could before I went gallivanting off to incur more. So, basically I'm doing it for fun, which, according to some of my friends, apparently makes me strange. 

It is a strange place to be when you're working alongside people who have retail as their main source of income or their full time job. Not that their jobs are any more or less valuable than mine, believe me that is not what I mean to imply. It's just an interesting work dichotomy when there are part-time, full-time, salaried, and hourly employees all essentially doing much of the same job function, but approaching it all very differently. 

I guess what I'm really trying to say is, I'm just like everyone else. Which is awesome, considering some people are predicting all of us to be another lost generation. Looks like I'm right on track!

GRE Update

Take that GRE. KAPOW!

FYI, I did finally study and subsequently take the GRE. It was a harrowing process, but in the end I got where I needed to be. I scored in the 94th percentile in verbal, in about the 50th percentile in Quantitative, and in the 92nd percentile in Analytical Writing. Luckily, I have no desire to be a scientist or mathematician so hopefully those scores will still get me into my program of choice.

I am somewhat embarrassed that I essentially failed at basic math, especially when you consider this score was over 100 points higher than my Quantitative score before. But let's focus on the positive! I know a lot of useless words. Hurray!

Powerhouse former SOS Madeleine Albright: AKA a freakin banner day for ktb

OK- this post might have been originally drafted a month ago, but then seriousity took place and I've been MIA. Much longer than that week I promised too. Apologies about that, but I promise I will now be posting at least once a week. You know, for the masochists among you out there who enjoy this sort of drivel. Ok, on to the super-delayed post...

Madeleine Albright was speaking today at Marian College and one of my co-workers invited me to go over our lunch hour to watch. Having been suffering from a persistent headache for three days now, I nearly declined, but, trying to live in step with my YOLD goals, I rallied and agreed.

Madeleine Albright is remarkable. She's brilliant, one of the best statespeople of our time but she's also completely accessible and engaging. She mentioned a personal goal of wanting to "Make foreign policy less foreign" and her own efforts toward that end are apparent in her speaking style. She's also modest. After her introduction she entered the stage thanking the host for introducing her, noting that people didn't always know who she was. She then recounted a recent episode where she was in an airport "undressing for TSA" so she could get back to the states.

A woman in the security line behind her asked her where she got her travel bottles with the screw lids. Albright told her she got them at the Container Store and continued organizing her belongings on the conveyor. She then stepped up to the metal detector when the security guard looked up and exclaimed, "It's you!" The man was overjoyed, he was from Bosnia and totally flipped out. He told her how without her there would be no Bosnia and held up the entire line so he could get a picture with her.

When she was finished, she continued on through security and the woman behind her asked, "What was that all about?"
Albright answered "Oh, I used to be Secretary of State."
The woman, still confused, asked, "Of Bosnia?"

Ok, that's all for now. More soon though, I promise!

Out to real world. Be back in 1 week.

Sorry guys. I had a post halfway prepared on Madeleine Albright, whom I got to meet last week, but then some life happened and it has not only slowed me down, but it's serious Life with a capitol "L" and I don't have the spirit this week to write on here with the lightheartedness I want this blog to have. I promise to be back next week in full ktb force with turkey and Madeleine Albright (no relation). See you soon!

Hypoallergenic Lotion: It's great! Unless you're allergic to lotion.

(or the wheat and oats inside the lotion and then you have to wash your hands twice as often to make sure you don't ingest it and all the washing just leads to chapped hands anyway and then you have to buy more lotion. I'm on to you, Aveeno.)

Failure to thrive

Both personally and professionally I am seeing this more and more: listless 20-somethings suffocating under a mountain of student debt and unable to establish any kind of career track. And, what's worse, the longer they (we) face indecision and rejection, the less the desire is to do so. We are turning into a generation of hipster barristas, life-long students, professional volunteers, and International English teachers. The one thing that's uniting us all is how completely clueless and hopeless we are regarding our futures.

HOWEVER, rejoice! All is not lost! We have our parents spare room and the internet so no matter how uncertain our futures may seem, at least our present is secure. That and the schadenfreude make life pretty ok.

As promised, the histrionics

I mentioned in my last post that I had a history of taking a somewhat paranoid approach to ensure my young female dauntless self's safety. There are dangers to independence, and at times perhaps I am too conscious of these.

In my last apartment, I lived alone and it was a good lesson on why I should never do that again. First of all, it's like ktb-mindfreak when I'm my only company for hours on end. I would drive myself into this hyper-paranoid state where I would shove a step ladder under my front door, barricade the bedroom, and sleep fitfully clutching my cell phone all night, my fingers trained to dial 9-1-1.

This is my stepladder. It is not my real ladder, but I try not to treat it any differently.

 

It also led to situations such as the time I was trapped inside a dress all night, unable to reach the back zipper. I was fully resigned to sleep in the dang thing when some last ditch miracle contortion saved me. All exaggeration aside, I was literally stuck inside the garment for over 30 minutes. Allow the mental image to fully articulate itself: a girl stomping around her apartment for thirty minutes grunting and swearing at herself as she attempts to reach the allusive zipper. Yes, this included several episodes of arm flailing, tripping over myself, and falling flat to the floor.

Click "Unabridged" for the rest of the story.

Look What I Can Do! home edition.

Today was a very productive day. I went to work, and once that was over and done with, I really got down to business. First up on the agenda: Put up some freakin decorations! I have a bad habit of not decorating my place, largely because I'm never convinced of how long I'm going to be somewhere and I: a. don't want to waste the effort and, b. don't want to falsely commit through my window dressing.

As part of my continued effort to live boldly, I decided to heck with it! I shall hang a picture! After all, I did already paint the room, I might as well put something else on the walls. Here's what happened:

 

It's probably way too much for my bedroom, and that potpurri on the shelf is the one I have to put on my balcony every night because its smell is too strong, so I ultimately will probably end up changing it BUT, just the mere feat of hanging those dang shelves straight made me feel pretty good, so I think I'll revel in that for a while. RUNON! (the painting is NOT mine. It's a print of 19th century Germanic Painter Caspar David Friedrich) 

After this triumphant endeavor with a screwdriver, I headed out to the trail on this unseasonably 70degree late-October day for some roller blading. Now, being a young single female has taught me to take certain precautions when I go adventuring. This is the message I left certain key individuals:

Click "Unabridged" to read the rest. Incentive: there is at least one moment where my pride is threatened and shame is escalated.

Halloween 2010

This year for Halloween, I am Batman.

I actually couldn’t find a costume so I pillaged the ancient Halloween bins in my parent’s attic and found the old-school batman getup my brother had worn two decades ago. The blue felt was in poor shape, but it would suit my pub-crawl costume needs (absent the original grey unitard- I do not have the physique of a 6yr old boy).  


Here's an excerpt from the evening: 

The other question people would ask me a lot was where Robin was. I told them he was with Morgan Freeman, making me a new car. 


The pub crawl was a lot of fun though. I went with a Bootie Call, Shakira, and David Bowie and the whole thing was a community awareness event for the near east side. We went to 5 dive bars, and let me tell you, the locals loved us. Or rather, some of them did and some of them grudgingly bore our presence until we skipped off onto the next bar. Batman did not have to buy all of her drinks that evening, but a lot of that generosity ceased when she couldn't stop referring to herself in the third person. And also when she discovered one of her would be suiters already had a sidekick. Wah-wah. Another misadventure in singletown for ktb. Really, the absurdity in this area of my life has been on a roll lately, I'm nearly never surprised anymore. 


I just found out I'll likely be suiting up again this Saturday for haunted Putt Putt. I don't do well with haunted things, so hopefully Batman won't pee her pants. Happy Halloween!

Why NYC's proposed Food Stamp Restrictions are a Social Issue, not one of Public Health

As most people in my life know, I have recently spent two years living in poverty serving as an Americorps*VISTA. I learned a lot from this experience, both in my service and in the poverty community. As a result, I have developed certain very strong opinions when it comes to poverty-related issues here in America. Although my goal for this blog (and, let's be honest, my life) is to be as non-serious as possible, sometimes a different tone needs to be affected. What follows is my take on Mayor Bloomberg's request to ban soda and sugary drinks from eligible food stamp purchases in NYC. Enjoy or skip, either way I'll post again soon!

Failure, Hobos, and Other Things

From the lack of my post touting absolute victory, I’m sure you can surmise that I did not succeed in my weekend goals. I had many other successes, including a brief belief I was going to be captured and eaten by hillbillies when I got lost on my trail run. The success there is that this did not happen and the hillbillies had to eat someone else that night.

Hillbillies have reminded me of hobos. Probably because they both start with an “h” and are both tragically misunderstood. And also probably because I’m always looking for an excuse to talk about hobos.

For my 23^rd birthday I had a pillow and potato party. Potatoes to eat, pillows to sit on (I only had 2 chairs, but I had more than 2 friends…at that time). So, there we were, all sitting on our pillows, sipping wine, and basking in that warm sleepiness of carb afterglow when someone brings up my love of hobos. Suddenly everyone is in the conversation, and I find myself on the defensive.

FLASHBACK

My friend Denis says I have to post

SIGH. Ok, I'm posting. Some friends of mine encouraged me to start this blog to share all of my crazy stories. Problem is, I don't think I've had that many stories lately. Life has become complacent and it's just something that's happening in the background while I'm taking care of other things. This is why I would like to announce (to my audience of maybe one) ktb's Year of Living Dangerously.

I haven't taken many risks in a while and I think it's starting to show. The goal of this project is to do something bold, brave, interesting, or outrageous at least once a week and then post the stories here. I have a few ideas of some things I'd like to try out and hopefully more will come to me as I move forward with this project. Since I'm starting late this week, I'll pick something a little boring, but doable in the next 3 days: I'll finish my mom's painting. Now lest you not find this brave, allow me to first note that I am not an artist and to share with you that the last painting I made my mom she has tried to give back to me several times, finally succeeding last week. Ever since I took up the brush again she has been requesting I make something for her, oblivious to how arduous that task really is.

So, I'll finish the painting and take my GRE practice test. I've been putting it off, fearing scores that would prove me having mental handicap, but I can't procrastinate any longer. If I'm going to try to live dangerously, I need to start being more bold about my future. Hopefully this is a first step in that direction. Until next time!
-ktb



ktb is extra susceptible to the evils of the GRE because we are both made up of letters that do not spell real words

First blog post

As a rule I hate firsts. They are either boring and stupid or awkward and painful. Think about it. First day of school? Boring. First kiss? Awkward. Keep thinking of firsts, and I'm fairly confident you'll find I'm right. Unfortunately, first things also all have one other thing in common: they are inevitable.

Hence, I give you the first blog post. Awkward and painful for me, boring and stupid for you, inevitable for all. I don't have much else to say by way of introduction except to tell you that this blog is meant to chronicle all of the crazy stories of my life, both old and new.

I might seem quite ordinary on the surface, but for some reason I attract the crazy. Nearly everywhere I go and everything I do manages to have a hint of the absurd in it. I have a strict no-pride clause so I often share my misadventures with whoever will listen, firmly believing the folly of one can easily serve as the delight of another. I'm here to facilitate that. So, read on if you are brave of heart and strong of spirit. Hopefully my stories can entertain you and show you you are far from alone in this preposterous and delightful world we call home.